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The One That Got Away

The unexpected poppers of public flatulence by passersby, or the carefree, still make me giggle.

A few weeks back I was grocery shopping at our local Stop & Shop. It was midmorning, a weekday, and the ideal time for the grocery hunt. Lines are minimal, produce is plentiful and the deli staff was still pleasant.

While in the canned vegetable aisle, I noticed an elderly lady at the opposite end. Since we were the only two shoppers in the aisle, she wasn’t hard to notice. As I was reading a label, I heard the most unnaturally loud sound coming from her direction. It wasn’t dainty or feminine, like the guilty party. Unaffected and unfazed, she continued her shopping footloose and fancy-free.

I giggled then looked around, curious if anyone else at heard. For selfish reasons, I was grateful no one else was near; blaming it on an old lady is like blaming it on the dog. I froze and stared, expecting a reaction.  There was no exchange of glances or an embarrassing smile followed with an, “Excuse me.”  How could she not hear her ducks quacking in aisle 5? Then it quickly dawned on me, she didn’t care who heard it.  

I began thinking of all the funny times I’ve been in public when such unexpected poppers happen. There are situations when you’re innocently trapped, others far from confinement, yet the lingering evidence is still unavoidable. Sometimes it has a tendency to camp out, even under the most extreme wind conditions.

When my teenagers do it, I’ve come to expect or even prepare myself for such torture. But when I’m greeted by the unexpected, it’s not particularly pleasant. 

I understand that the unexpected slips tend to be unavoidable. But it’s entertaining to poke fun, incorporating a little humor, at the little (and not so little) poppers of Mother Nature.  

Toots Shore June 04, 2012 at 09:45 AM
I can't believe this was published.
Christine June 04, 2012 at 11:14 AM
I can!! It's funny as heck. Thanks for the laugh Cami!
Amy June 04, 2012 at 11:56 AM
Ironic that "Toots" didnt see the humor.
Jim Merchant June 04, 2012 at 12:18 PM
I enjoyed reading the article and admire the fact that you were willing to write on a natural phenomenon that most want to be silent on. Good job!
Bill June 04, 2012 at 12:24 PM
Seiously? I expect to see intelligent commentary like this on some blogs or possibly Facebook. But as a feature article on Patch that appears to be trying to become a local news outlet? On so it's not 60 minutes, or even channel 8 news, but a personal interest piece on farting? Really?
A Tolland Resident June 04, 2012 at 12:41 PM
What a waste of time. This is the dumbest article I've seen in a longtime.
Albert Williams June 04, 2012 at 01:18 PM
Unclench people; a little bathroom humor won’t kill you. A nice light article, thank you. Windsor Rocks!!
Marty Salvatore June 04, 2012 at 02:12 PM
I would rather read an article about farts than ANY of the comments on ANY of the political articles on The Patch. This article is downright high-brow compared to most of the stuff I see posted here on a regular basis.
king of we ha June 04, 2012 at 02:22 PM
I feel as though if you do not live in West Hartford you shouldn't be commenting on the West Hartford patch page. I know those of you that do not live in WeHa are supremely jealous that you don't live here but (see above 'Windsor Rocks'?) keep your comments to your own town's patch page. And I am probably not the only one ('Tolland Resident') who thinks this but Windsor certainly does not rock.
Christine June 04, 2012 at 02:53 PM
This is a Suffield Patch column, king of We Ha. And this column is regional . The comments post to all patches regardless of where you live. I see your comments in my town--and I dont live in West Hartford.
Albert Williams June 04, 2012 at 03:08 PM
Wow, feels like California surf turf hostility!!! 1000 pardons, I’ll be back when my mill rate is adequate.
Marty Salvatore June 04, 2012 at 03:21 PM
How come only people from West Hartford are allowed to talk about farts? It's not like it's an issue specific to your town. Weirdo.
Ronni Newton June 04, 2012 at 03:32 PM
This is a regional column that runs on several different Patch sites in Central Connecticut. The columnist is from Suffield, but the column is cross-published. Comments are permitted on all sites!
Amy June 04, 2012 at 09:18 PM
Albert Williams, you are my hero!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Carol June 04, 2012 at 10:22 PM
There's always someone who thinks thier "toots" don't stink. Lighten up people. This is not a snob town vs other town article. It's a the funny side of an all too human issue. And for the record, I did live in WeHa. I moved out by choice.
Patricia Gaglioti June 05, 2012 at 02:43 AM
Wow. I'm one of those little old ladies that toots. Y'all, that's life. Whats really amusing is not the fact that it happens unexpectenty and someone writes about its humor... But I'm chuckling because this funny observation about life stirred up such an emotional reaction among intelligent adults. When your elderly and "it happens in public", chuckle and keep shopping. It's not really important.
ME June 05, 2012 at 09:58 PM
My Grandfather used to call those Toots, "California Barking Spiders". Life is too short to not smile at the tooters.
Ed Putman June 07, 2012 at 11:41 PM
Elderly lady? Could be a Depend's failure. I've had that happen.
Disgusted June 15, 2012 at 05:19 PM
Add this rude comment to your equally ignorant one before about how the "bars are full of athletes" and you just show the world who you are and how you think. (or don't think.) If it makes people laugh, what's the harm?
A Tolland Resident June 15, 2012 at 05:30 PM
@Disgusted - Huh, saying that an article is stupid is now being rude? Sorry that my OPINION doesn't agree with yours. I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies... "Stripes". "Settle down Francis"
Disgusted June 15, 2012 at 06:07 PM
Expressing an opinion doesn't need to include calling people or what they write "stupid." That just shows your inability to answer with wit- instead you just fling out insults. Anyone can be rude. ( and I think your movie quote from Stripes fits YOU the best- like Albert Williams responded to you before..."UNCLENCH." )
Disgusted June 15, 2012 at 06:12 PM
And by the way- it's "Lighten up Francis."
A Tolland Resident June 15, 2012 at 06:27 PM
I find it interesting that you are all worked up at me but, I am not the only one that thought this article was a waste of time. If you read Mr. Williams post is was a generalization to the article, not directed at me personally, using word-play to make a joke. I think honestly you just have some sort of vendetta against me because you don't agree with my opinions about sports and the B.O.E. budget. Personally, I don't care what you thinnk but, i enjoy making you angry... it tickles me!
A Tolland Resident June 15, 2012 at 06:30 PM
Sue me, I messed up a quote. I didn't waste time looking it up. You may also note, I made a typo in my last post. I'm sure you'll post a diatribe about poor spelling next.
Marty Salvatore June 15, 2012 at 06:39 PM
You guys are STINKING up this article. HEY-Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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