Raising Our Children in a "Yes" Society by Meg Putnam

When did it become socially unacceptable to tell our children NO? When did society grant our children the right to be provided with all the answers? When did it become so wrong to make our children own their behaviors?

While dining with a few mothers and friends this past week, this topic came up more than once with all different groups of mothers with children of all ages. Our topics of conversation went from when to say no, to how to say no, to making no mean NO! We are all guilty at times of displaying a lack of follow through, and this is one of the largest parenting mistakes we make. On a positive level, this also holds true for things we offer to our children but don't provide.

From a young age, our children learn to manipulate us. When they are born, they cry for us to get what they need or want.  As they grow into toddlers, we provide them with a multitude of things to create a YES environment. We change our homes, our personal lives, our friends, our town, our foods, our schedules - EVERYTHING. We run ragged at times to stop the tears, the night-time wake ups and the fights in the store. For what?

So our children will allow us the time to get through the next chain of events, so we can hear our own thoughts? What good is any of this doing? Personally, I have witnessed many children being raised, so when my friend asked me to blog about this, I took the challenge.

She openly confessed that by allowing her oldest daughter a YES environment all her life, she is now wondering how to take the "power" back? Teens and tweens, more and more, are growing up with this air of righteousness about them.  They appear as though we, as parents, owe them something, or better yet - EVERYTHING.

When did it become socially acceptable for our children to run our lives? When did it become socially acceptable for our children to tell us NO? When did it become socially acceptable for our children to refuse our parental instructions?  When did it become the parents responsibility to make sure our teens have all their homework done? When did it become our job as parents to make sure our teens have all their gear ready for practice the next day? Aside from the verbal reminding and coaching, when did we start doing it all and making it all happen for our children's growing young minds?  Is this the aftermath of raising a child in a YES society? Has the damage been done? Can we change the thought patterns of an adolescent who is already molded to what feels normal and natural? Can we change the damage done and take back our seat as PARENT?

Are we breeding laziness, forgetfulness and disrespect? If we don't allow young people to experience consequences, how will they really ever learn? If we don't allow our children to be benched when they forget their mouth guard, how will they learn to be prepared? If we allow our children to go to a sleep over when they didn't clean their rooms, how will they learn responsibility? If we don't provide our children with boundaries, how will we, as parents, ever be able to know we have truly prepared them to some day live in the real world?

As seen on a poster in a classroom:

"You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention - anything else you receive is a privilege."

This post was originally published on Runitlikeamom.com